HELP Organizing a Multi-Generational Household
(These are notes from a video I did in 2020 to help clients who were moving their elderly parents in with them while also having their young adult children move back home so the family could islolate together during COVID-19.)
I come from a very large family. Including our adopted sister, there are 13 of us! When I went to college, I had 100 sorority sisters. I’m so accustomed to being in big groups that my immediate family of five feels small to me. To some people, however, five is a lot and they aren’t sure how to navigate living with a large family or in a multi-generational home.
I'm a big fan of multigenerational living. I'm kind of a romantic and it makes me think of the days and cultures when families stayed together longer. I also find it to be much less stressful on families and the environment. Instead of spreading resources across multiple homes, all of the energy can be focused on making one big, happy home.
I feel really grateful that I've had a lifelong experience collaborating with a number of people in order to have a functioning home. It has taught me how to compromise which is something I can coach my clients through now that so many of us are staying healthy at home together.
Helping my clients navigate living and getting organized in a multi-generational home is one of my favorite parts of my job. Helping people– siblings, parents, big kids, and little kids – get organized in a way that is sustainable and respects everyone is so important as we’re still navigating a rapidly changing world and trying to stay healthy at home.
Adapting to changing roles
As we and our families age, it becomes apparent that the roles we play start to shift. For example, if we have young adults in the house, we eventually realize that we are no longer the parent we were when they were younger. We went from being the pilot and taking the flight where it needed to go, to the co-pilot who supports the older child in getting to their goals. Eventually we’re just another passenger on the same plane.
No matter who you are in the family dynamic, take a moment to ask yourself, “How can I shift my actions to make this time easier on me and my family so we can stay productive?” Sometimes we need to let go of old roles and move forward in a new way so we can collaboratively decide how to be organized, productive, and joyful in the home.
So, instead of creating a power dynamic where there is one person (usually the parent or oldest person in the house) making all of the decisions, try to develop a much more collaborative system that is based on consensus.
Check in with the family
When you have a system that’s based on consensus, it’s really important to make decisions as a family that can work for everyone. I had one client who wanted a landing space next to the front door that would be a place for everyone to put their keys, pocket change, phone chargers, etc. As it stood, her family was putting their belongings on the dining room table, which made it difficult to sit and have a meal together.
When we had our virtual organizing session, she was the only one home to show me around the house and explain her needs and wants. We created a system that worked for her – a landing basked right by the door – but since the rest of the family wasn’t home so chime in, I had to give her some homework.
Her homework was to check in with each person in the family and see how she could explain her needs to them. The system only works if everyone is on board!
Stick to the plan
If you are a family member that isn’t so concerned with the state of things, that’s okay. Not everyone is as passionate about getting organized as other family members may be. However, getting organized as a family is a collaborative effort and it’s really important that everyone actively participates.
For example, you may not particularly care about how the refrigerator is organized, but once a decision has been made about how to organize it, you have to support that decision and stick to the plan. That’s really important in order to create a cohesive, organized environment in which we all respect and support on another.
Find balance
When you’re living in a multi-generational home where there are both personal spaces and communal spaces, it’s important to realize that dominion over your space and your items is different than dominion over your items in a space that's not yours. How we arrange our items in our bedroom is different than how we arrange our items on the dining room table or in another community space.
When we strive to make sure everyone in the home feels included, we also have to establish boundaries around the home. In doing so, we design areas that are meant for specific things and we utilize those areas in specific ways.
For example, if a family member is doing a craft that fills up a community space, such as the coffee table in the family room, it might be important for them to clear that table when others want to use the room. If maker spaces are needed frequently or for long term projects, it might be best to designate a projects table/area that does not have to be cleaned off daily. This respects the needs and boundaries of both the creatives and the other household members.
Living with a senior citizen
Setting boundaries and getting organized are skills that sharpen overtime. The more you practice, they better you get! If you’re new at living with a senior citizen, it’s particularly important to sharpen those skills and build that muscle because they, too, are going to have certain items they want placed in certain places.
A system is going to be really important in order to respect that, but if you're dealing with anyone who has mobility issues, memory loss or some safety issues, you have to take that into consideration. Depending on the need of the senior citizen, you might be looking at drastic changes to your current system, or just a few small ones here and there.
Pinky Jackson is a home organizer who absolutely loves consulting with families, creating action plans to organize their homes and helping them live organized, beautiful homes. Pinky organizes virtually as well as in person and is happy to schedule a complimentary discovery call to assess your needs and recommend services.
